How to Choose a Gay Homestay

A homestay can be the best way to see a place. It’s usually cheaper than a hotel, you get a local who knows where people actually eat and go out, and you’re not alone in an anonymous room at the end of the day. But when you’re LGBTQ+, there’s one more thing to think about. You’ll be sleeping in someone else’s house. And how they feel about having a gay homestay guest can make or break the whole trip.

I learned how much LGBTQ friendliness matters when I tried to check into a hotel with my boyfriend.

It was 2005 and we were in Caracas, Venezuela. We asked at reception for a double bed, and the answer came back in a hard voice: “¡Aquí, eso no se hace!” Here, we don’t do that.

In a hotel, at least you can pick up your bags and leave. 

In someone’s home, facing discrimination at the front door is far worse.

I’ve travelled as an openly gay man since the 1990s. In 1996 I started European Gay Ski Week, where guests who came alone often shared rooms with people they’d never met, and the experience taught me a lot about what makes strangers feel comfortable under one roof. 

Today I run an LGBTQ+ platform that checks every new listing before it goes live, so I think a lot about what separates a good host from a risky one.

Here’s what I’d want you to know before you book your next gay homestay.

What makes a homestay different from a hotel?

In a hotel, you’re a customer. In a homestay, you’re a guest in somebody’s life. You share their kitchen, maybe their bathroom, and sometimes their friends, partner or flatmates.

That’s what makes homestays special. It’s also why a gay homestay host matters more than the location or even the price. 

A hotel has staff, a front desk and rules that apply to everyone. Not to mention, corporate policies – like these LGBTQ friendly hotel chains. 

A homestay is one person or a family. So of course their views – and their house rules – shape your whole stay.

Of course, it works both ways, too. A good homestay is one where you feel comfortable being yourself as a gay travelers, and where the host feels comfortable having you in their home. 

This post breaks down the major differences of hotels vs. homestay sites like Airbnb for gay travelers, so you understand the trade off in advance.

Questions to ask a gay homestay host before booking

I still remember the first gay homestay I booked for myself, a room in a flat in queer friendly London. 

I’d checked the host’s photos and reviews, and he turned out to be discreet. What I hadn’t asked about was the guest in the third bedroom. 

As it happened, we got on and went bar-hopping together! But it could easily have gone the other way. 

Now, I know to ask not just about the host, but who else will be sharing the space. That includes flatmates, family members, or how many other homestay guests are staying at one time. 

It’s much better to know before you arrive than to find your quiet room is in a busy house.

Are you comfortable hosting LGBTQ+ guests?

Don’t assume a host is fine with same-sex couples just because the host lives in a queer-friendly city.

 Ask in advance. You shouldn’t have to justify your relationship, but you do need to know what to expect. 

A clear, warm answer like that’s fine, or I’m looking forward to meeting you is a good sign. 

Silence or a vague response is a red flag.

How much privacy will I have?

Some hosts love spending time with guests and others keep to themselves. Either is fine, as long as you know which one you’re getting in advance. 

Ask the host whether they prefer to socialize or give homestay guests space. 

Here are other privacy questions to ask: 

• Is the bedroom private? 
• Is the bathroom private?
• Does the bedroom door lock? 
• What parts of the home can guests use? 
• Do you get your own key? 
• Is there a time you’re expected home? 
• Are there any other house rules to know?

Can I bring people back to the gay homestay?

Never leave this one unanswered. 

If you meet someone while you’re traveling, can they come back to your room? Can they stay the night? Can you have a friend round for dinner?

The answer may be no, and that’s the host’s call. If having visitors matter to you, pick a place that allows them rather than hoping to change the rules once you’re there – or sneak someone out the door the morning after a sleepover.

What are your house rules, and what are your boundaries?

Read the house rules before you book, not after you’ve arrived. 

If smoking isn’t allowed, don’t smoke out of the window. 

If visitors aren’t allowed, don’t bring someone home and expect an exception. 

It’s much easier to avoid a disagreement by following the rules than sort one out halfway through your stay.

What are my alternatives if I don’t want to book a homestay? 

Homestays aren’t your only option! 

Furnished apartments combine the furnished, residential setting of a homestay with complete privacy. They’re a good choice for long-term travel or working remotely from another country. 

Bed and breakfasts are coming back. These blend the local connection aspect with a private room in a house. The homeowner or innkeeper is usually on site, and there’s a communal breakfast in the morning. You can mingle with other guests but enjoy privacy in your room. 

Hostels are a low-cost option for budget travelers. You can choose between private, shared, and dorm-style accommodation – whatever fits your needs! 

Finally, hotels are the traditional choice. This post shares my exact process for checking if a hotel is LGBTQ friendly to avoid those awkward checkin moments! 

What most gay travelers miss about homestay reviews

Reviews are your best window into how a homestay host treats gay guests, but too many people focus on the wrong things.

Rather than sort by lowest rating and focus on a comment, look for the patterns. 

One bad review doesn’t tell you much, but if you find multiple complaints about the same issue, it’s a red flag. 

Look at how the host responds. A host who answers criticism calmly is usually easier to deal with than one who argues with every guest.

Last, consider when it happened. A complaint that’s old could be outdated. One from a recent guest is more representative of what you can expect.  

On Airbnb, reviews are only published once both guest and host have written theirs, or after 14 days. That means guests can be honest without worrying about a revenge review, so a long run of good reviews there means something.

Don’t read too much into a “verified” badge, though. 

Airbnb checks hosts’ identity before their listing goes live, but its own help page says the process “doesn’t guarantee that someone is who they say they are.” A badge is a starting point, not a character reference.

Not to mention, many Airbnbs are run by property management companies and not local hosts. 

Looking for more on Airbnb? This post breaks down the pros and cons of Airbnb for gay travelers.

Where to Look for Gay Homestays

While there are many homestay booking sites, some of them are specialized. These sites will help you find a gay homestay host:

• Airbnb: Homestay, private room and vacation rental booking platform. While it started as a room sharing platform, nowadays you’ll find mostly short-term rentals instead of private rooms with a gay homestay host.
• HomestayFinder: International homestay directory for international students and travelers.
• Golightly: Woman-only homestay, private room and vacation rental booking platform.
• Couchsurfing: Homestay app that lets you find places to stay for free worldwide. The travel app requires a monthly fee, but stays are free.
• Warm Showers: Free homestay network for bicycle tourists.

Red flags: when to turn down a gay homestay

I’d rather lose a booking than spend a week on edge. These are the things that make me look elsewhere:

• No photos of the host. You should be able to see who you’ll be living with.
• No reviews, or only very old ones. Everyone starts somewhere, but you don’t have to be their test guest.
• The host wants to move the chat to WhatsApp or be paid by bank transfer. Airbnb says that’s against its rules, that you lose its protection if you pay outside the platform, and that a request to pay by bank transfer may mean the booking is a fraud.
• A price that seems too good for the area. There’s usually a reason.
• Vague answers about who else lives there. If the host can’t tell you, assume the worst.
• A camera inside the home. Since 30 April 2024, Airbnb has banned indoor security cameras in all its listings, even if the host mentions them. Outdoor cameras are still allowed, with rules.
• House rules that ban visitors, if having friends round matters to you. It’s not a bad rule, just the wrong place for you.
• A host who goes quiet or gets defensive when you ask whether they’re comfortable with LGBTQ+ guests. You’ve had your answer.

I’ve never hidden who I am in somebody’s home, and I’m not going to start now. If I had to spend my stay worrying about whether my host would find out I’m gay, I’d rather book somewhere else. There’s nearly always another room, even if it takes a bit longer to find.

Check the law before you choose a destination

Your rights don’t travel with you. 

Sixty-five UN member states still criminalize consensual same-sex acts, according to ILGA World.

Even where same-sex relationships are legal, attitudes can be very different between cities and the countryside.

That’s more important in a homestay than in a hotel. There’s no front desk open all night, and you may be somewhere you don’t know a soul. Think about what you share and who with, and make sure you could leave easily if you started to feel uncomfortable.

Be careful about bringing someone you’ve just met back to a private home, too. The UK Foreign Office warns that in some countries dating apps have been used to entrap LGBT+ people. A convincing profile doesn’t make someone trustworthy.

Before you go, check the law and the local situation. This LGBTQ+ travel checklist will walk you through how to make sure you’ll feel safe and comfortable.

It can also be helpful to check a gay travel guide for the city or country you’re visiting.

Can a gay homestay host refuse an LGBTQ guest?

It depends. 

Different platforms have different rules. 

On Airbnb, hosts are prohibited from declining guests because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. However, hosts who share living space with homestay guests can limit stays to guests of the same gender. 

Local laws come into play as well. If you book directly, it can be up to the host. It’s always better to be open about who you are in advance. 

Where can I find a gay homestay? 

Airbnb is one way to rent rooms from locals, but it’s not the only homestay option. This post lists Airbnb alternatives, including queer-friendly picks.

I love traveling on my own terms. I like changing plans, getting lost in a market and finding places that were never on my list.

I don’t want every trip to turn into a gay group tour.

But being a solo traveler doesn’t mean you have to be isolated.

Sometimes the best thing about arriving somewhere new is already knowing one person there. Sometimes it’s a gay homestay host who tells you about a local queer festival or a little restaurant you’d never have found on your own.

And sometimes it’s another traveler who happens to be heading the same way.

On an overland trip from Kenya to Victoria Falls, I met a woman I got on with so well that I offered her the spare room in my home. She moved in and quickly became a close friend. Years later, we still write to each other.

That’s why, after all these years on the road, I’ve started Among Our People. It’s a place for LGBTQ+ people to find a room, a local host or someone to travel with. It’s early days. In a way, it’s my old noticeboard all over again, only online.

Author bio:

Eric Crespin is a French travel entrepreneur who travels the world full time. He founded European Gay Ski Week in 1996 and is now building Among Our People, an LGBTQ+ community for rooms, homestays and travel companions. You can follow his travels on Instagram at @gaytravelnomad.