Is an Airbnb or hotel better for LGBTQ travelers?

man swimming in spring

Which is better for LGBTQ travelers, Airbnb or a hotel? I’ll be honest โ€“ for a decade I was sure I knew the answer to this question. I planned all my travels the same way. Recently, my opinion has begun to shift. If you’re wondering whether to choose an Airbnb or hotel for your next vacation, keep reading. While most blog posts that discuss Airbnb or hotel don’t consider LGBTQ travelers, this post is designed with us in mind, written from my extensive experience traveling the US and internationally and staying in vacation rentals and hotels.

This post may contain affiliate links, which means I get commissions for purchases made through links in this post. Please see my disclosure policy for more information.

Airbnb Pros and Cons If You’re Queer

When my partner and I check into a hotel, we’re frequently met with the awkward and invalidating question of “one bed or two?”

This happens even when we’ve explicitly reserved a single bed.

This assumption is so hurtful that I’ve cried in the privacy of my hotel room.

For years, I booked Airbnbs rather than face the judgment of a hotel concierge.

Here are some of my favorite benefits of Airbnb for trans and queer people.

Interior of typical airbnb house with neutral tones, modern wood furniture and houseplants

Privacy

Many Airbnbs have a greater sense of privacy, which is freeing.

You can pick up the key from a lockbox or use a code and access your rental without ever meeting a host.

There’s no one to judge your gender or ask invasive questions, something that can be hugely relieving for trans and non-binary travelers, who can feel anxious in public facilities.

And no other travelers to say something queer phobic to your rainbow family, such as asking “Where’s Daddy” if Daddy was a donor and you have a same-sex partner!

Price

Airbnb used to be the more economical option for LGBT budget travelers โ€“ which, given the LGBTQ income gap is quite a few of us!

While many Airbnb listings tack on sky-high cleaning and usage fees, Airbnb can still be a budget friendly pick in some destinations.

The most affordable option is to book a room in someone’s house, rather than an private apartment.

But you give up privacy when you do this. If privacy is more important, or if you are traveling with a group, look for apartment and home rentals instead.

Better for groups

Many Airbnbs offer multiple bedrooms, shared living spaces, and kitchens, making them more cost-effective and comfortable than booking multiple hotel rooms…or trying to explain to the hotel concierge that yes, your poly triad would prefer the room with one bed.

When I choose Airbnb these days, it’s usually because I’m on an intergenerational trip or need a kitchen for my stay.

Nondiscrimination policy

Airbnb’s nondiscrimination policy explicitly protects LGBTQ travelers. Under the policy, hosts cannot refuse guests based on sexual orientation or gender identity, even if the host has a homophobic or transphobic religious belief.

While it’s always challenging to enforce these issues, Airbnb has removed hosts from the site for discrimination against queer guests.

From an inclusive travel perspective, Airbnb sends a strong message of welcome and allyship.

Stay in the gayborhood

Hotels aren’t always located in the areas we want to stay, such as the gayborhood.

If you want to stay in the gay neighborhood, it is often easier to find an Airbnb. That’s what we did the first time we attended Montreal Pride, and I loved being walkable to everything!

The Dark Side of Airbnb

Over the years, Airbnb has become less reliable.

After multiple bookings were canceled at the last minute with zero help from Airbnb, I somewhat grudgingly went back to staying in hotels. More on hotels in a minute, but here’s why Airbnb stopped working for me โ€“ and some reasons for LGBTQ travelers to reconsider it.

If you found this post because you’re tired of using Airbnb and don’t know what to use instead, I have some good news. I made a list of Airbnb alternatives I recommend for independent travelers, including solo travelers, LGBTQ families, and couples. Sign up for my email list to receive the full list ofย what to use instead of Airbnb!

brown and black wooden house with exterior lights on taken at dusk

Accountability

Airbnb hosts can be challenging to work with when issues arise. The conflict resolution process is often lengthy and frustrating, potentially ruining a vacation.

For instance, during Montreal Pride, that Airbnb I rented had a non-functioning toilet and no toilet paper. The host was in Europe, leading to a tedious back-and-forth across time zones to resolve basic issues. I got a price reduction in the end, but it was super stressful.

Price

Despite its initial reputation for affordability, Airbnb costs have increased significantly in recent years.

Hidden charges, especially cleaning fees, can make the final price hundreds of dollars more expensive higher than expected.

Listen to the Frommer’s Travel podcast episode “Airbnb Snafus and How to Get the Most Out of Long Solo Drives,” to hear how travelers sometimes end up paying more for an Airbnb than it’s worth and the last straw for host Pauline Frommer with using Airbnb.

Inconsistent quality

Unlike standardized hotel chains, the quality of Airbnb properties can vary widely.

The photos look great, but does the hot tub work? Does the host use Glade plugins that smell disgusting? Will your stay be enjoyable?

In a hotel, you can be moved to another room if the room assigned does not meet your standards. If your Airbnb isn’t what you hoped, you’re looking at a Resolution Center email exchange to work things out, while you stay in the listing.

I know, because it’s happened to me. I had to clean a gross Airbnb someone partied in, toss their liquor bottles and cigarette butts, and buy my own toilet paper. Oh, and the toilet wasn’t working because they clogged it, so I also couldn’t use the bathroom until a plumber came to fix it.

At the time, I was traveling with my dog and chose to suck it up rather than spend my vacation searching for a dog friendly stay. But it definitely spoiled the mood of the trip!

More often than I’d like, I’m in a subpar Airbnb that’s not as cute as the photos made it look, that smells of old cigarette smoke and Glad plugins, searching hundreds of reviews to see if I could have avoided the nasty smell by screening more carefully.

Ready to ditch Airbnb? Get your free copy of my Airbnb alternatives today.

Personal Safety

Your Airbnb may not be in a neighborhood where you feel safe as a queer person. And unless your vacation rental has free cancellation, you stand to lose money by canceling.

The internet abounds with stories of anxious travelers who realized too late their Airbnb is in a bad neighborhood.

While “bad neighborhood” is subjective, and often comes with implications of racial bias, the unfortunate truth is that trans and queer people need to think about our safety when we travel.

Especially as more states pass anti-LGBTQ laws that empower bigotry and violence.

Vet the neighborhood or the address before the cancellation window closes.

Read the reviews. Look at the address in Google Map.

Think about yourself and your safety needs. If the property seems good, keep it – if not, make a change now, while you can get a refund.

Hotel Pros and Cons If You’re Queer

I was a loyal Airbnb user for over a decade. For a few years, until we stopped renting our guestroom, I was a Superhost.

I’ve come to accept that the Airbnb I loved โ€“ the one that felt so LGBTQ inclusive and welcoming โ€“ is a thing of the past. Airbnb these days is a different place. As I’ve accepted that, my opinion of which is better, Airbnb or hotels, has shifted.

Here are some of the pleasant surprises I’ve enjoyed by quitting Airbnb for hotels.

White concrete building hotel next to the mountains, with landscaping in front

Nondiscrimination policies

Large international hotel chains often have robust nondiscrimination policies that protect LGBTQ guests.

When traveling to a country that lacks LGBTQ protections, I would much rather be in a large hotel chain that has legal protections over a small boutique hotel or a vacation rental, where I am probably vulnerable.

Staff are trained to provide guests with inclusive service, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.

Staff are also discreet.

Increased Safety and Comfort

I know some trans and nonbinary travelers prefer to stay in hotels out of a safety in numbers.

At a medium or large hotel, you’re one more face in the crowd. That can increase feelings of safety and comfort. So can these hotel safety tips for queer women!

If you’re in an apartment building surrounded by residents who notice the stranger, it can wind up feeling more vulnerable when you already stand out because you don’t fit binary gender norms.

Solo women can also benefit from the relative anonymity hotels offer over vacation rentals.

Accountability

Unlike Airbnbs, hotels operate under standardized procedures. If something isn’t right, they’ll make it right.

If a room isn’t clean, the hotel will typically resolve the issue promptly by moving guests to another room.

They’ll also move you if you don’t feel safe in the room assigned โ€“ for example, if you are in a ground floor room and you are afraid of someone entering the room.

These experiences have happened to me or people I’ve been on group trips with, so I speak from experience: hotels are accountable without the headache of an Airbnb Resolution Center!

Price

While Airbnb is often perceived as being the budget-friendly option, hotels can actually be cheaper!

The Frommer’s Travel podcast episode “Airbnb Snafus and How to Get the Most Out of Long Solo Drives” linked above goes into much more detail.

TLDR: Hotels are transparent on pricing and often provide better value, a win-win for budget travelers.

I book hotels directly when I’m using loyalty programs, which allow me to earn points toward free stays. But most of the time, I use Booking.com or Agoda to find LGBTQ-friendly hotels.

Agoda is great for finding places to stay in Asia, though I’ve also used Agoda for European and US travels.

Booking.com has hotels, furnished apartments and vacation rentals. I use them a lot for domestic travels, when I’m traveling for work and need something remote work friendly and when I want to get a broad sense of the options in a city. Plus, they have an LGBTQ-friendly accreditation called Travel Proud that gives me confidence, which I’ll be talking more about in a separate post!

LGBTQ Hotel Problems

While some hotels are amazing, others aren’t what I thought I was getting from the listing. Here are some of the problems I’ve experienced in hotels that cost me extra money or negatively affected my vacation.

Lounge chairs and beach umbrella by a hotel pool

Parking Costs Extra

Many hotels charge significant daily rates for parking, which can quickly add up and inflate the overall cost of the stay. In contrast, Airbnb properties often come with free parking options. Even if you’re in a city and the place doesn’t have a driveway, street parking is often free.

There are exceptions though. Some hotels, particularly in smaller cities, near airports, or in rural communities, do offer free parking.

Microaggressions from staff or guests

That hotel that asked me one bed or two, where I cried in my room? It was a gay-owned hotel.

Even hotels we think have our back, because of their nondiscrimination policies or gay ownership, can wind up discriminating against queer travelers.

Even if hotel staff are welcoming, they can’t control the behavior of all guests.

This can lead to rude and invasive questions from fellow travelers who may have good intentions, but wind up causing harm anyway.

Take the example of a parent who is asked “Where’s Dad?” when enjoying the hotel pool.

Dad might be a donor if it’s a queer couple.

Remarks like this don’t just hurt same-sex couples for whom Dad is a donor. They are also insensitive to widows, single parents, and nonbinary parents who don’t use gendered terms.

Limited amenities for longer stays

Working remotely? Digital nomad on an extended stay? Hotels often lack amenities common in many Airbnb rentals, like kitchens or laundry facilities.

This is inconvenient and costly for those longer vacations or work trips.


Will Airbnb be able to change and win me back as a loyal fan? Honestly, I doubt it. I live in a rural area where too many of my neighbors are being displaced by Airbnb landlords. I like my community the way it is, and I want to keep it a community โ€“ NOT a vacation rental fauxmunity. While my personal opinion has changed, I don’t think it’s possible for me to stop using the site altogether. At least, not until good alternatives crop up.

I made a list of the best Airbnb alternatives to consider in 2024, including vacation rentals, hotels, and alternative accommodations. Sign up for the email list to get a free copy of that guide, plus all my other travel resources. Twice a month, you’ll get notifications of the latest posts along with trends and news about LGBTQ travel, written by me, a queer travel expert!