Out of the Shadows and Into the Sky: A Trans Traveler Story

It was settled. My besties were getting married, to each other, IN GERMANY, and my wifey and I were the best man and best person. But I didn’t have a passport with the correct name and gender. So this was gonna be awkward. 

What my little hype squad of my besties and wifey did for me in my first few months of coming out was worth crossing every obstacle to return the favor of support. 

Panic is the only word for how we planned our first trip as a foursome. You see, Sarah and I were newly married and trying to fundraise for two HUGE barriers I carried with me daily, and those HUGE barriers would also mean that the new cutting edge FULL BODY SCANNERS that our local Texas TSA operated would be serving full T when I tried to pass through security in my first ever international flight over the pond. 

Panic as I fumbled to pack my prosthetics into my carry- on next to 3 bottles of T and 700 copies of my doctor’s note saying I required this medicine for GAHT.  On my last rendezvous with TSA, I wore my prosthetic and got taken into a back room for some of the most erot*c touch I have ever experienced in a public setting by two gorgeous black women.

“BUT why are yoU wearINg thAT?” they asked.

….awkward.

Panic in the airport as I stare at *that other name* and that “F” on my passport, peach fuzz dancing on my new face. When I hand my passport to the agent at the scanner there is a pregnant pause as they determine if I am carrying a uterus onboard with me or not and then….Sally steps forward. She says because I opted for a physical inspection instead of displaying my bits on the scanner, she will be helping me today. 

Panic in the airport as I stare at *that other name* and that “F” on my passport, peach fuzz dancing on my new face.

When I hand my passport to the agent at the scanner there is a pregnant pause as they determine if I am carrying a uterus onboard with me or not.

No private room and on full display Sally explores my body with grace and consent discussions that still dance in my ears.

She swipes through the sweat drenched caverns of my TWO HUGE BARRIERS, flops them around a bit for good measure.

Her knuckles dance across the front of my prosthetic free front bump and I tingle. My wifey watches and films for YouTube.

This is early transition in the United States in 2017.

This is also the first time I felt the bravery I needed to prepare for top surgery, which would happen later that year because of the generosity of the people I was traveling on a big scary airplane for. 

I arrived in Germany to the most underwhelming security checks I have ever seen. Not a single question about my gender, not a single body scanner on site.

I stood as best man in a suit that didn’t fit me right and I cried as Jake and Jess shared their kiss as husband and wife. We took photos and my little fuzzy chin looked cute.

My wife took me to Amsterdam as a treat for being so brave and showed me how our people live and work globally. 

When you are black you skip a lot of steps in medical care. When you are trans, you ignore some signs along a really long and windy road of learning and unlearning. When these identities intersect, you are a visitor in your body and a conundrum in your clinic visits. A rare and wonderful bundle of powerful testimony, waiting to be set free. 

This trip sparked my curiosity for traveling abroad and learning about how our people live and thrive. 

When you are black you skip a lot of steps in medical care. When you are trans, you ignore some signs along a really long and windy road of learning and unlearning. When these identities intersect, you are a visitor in your body and a conundrum in your clinic visits. A rare and wonderful bundle of powerful testimony, waiting to be set free. 

I am thankful for the ways that these experiences brought me deeper into my true form. It also brought us our first mildly successful YouTube video. Jake and Jess also brought our beautiful godchild into the world about 3 years ago. It all feels beautiful. 

Transition can be a mixed bag of experiences and emotions. I still stop in wonder at all that has happened in under 7 years, and the knowing that it all started with awkwardness, love, and the TSA.

After 11 countries and a good chunk of the North American continent, I have seen the world open up to me as a black man with a gender expansive experience in ways my younger self could not possibly imagine.

I pass through the body scanner with my new passport and fresh gender marker and I smile at the faces of the people reviewing my T. 

We are not meant for the shadows, we exist. 

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This essay was the winner of our 2024 LGBTQ writing contest. Read more contest winners, or subscribe to our mailing list to get advance notice of the next contest theme and deadline.

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